My haul this year (Amended)

As I told one of my friends at work the other day:

"I have some rather sad news. I appear to be maturing and turning into a bona fide adult."
"Why would you say that?"
"I asked for a book for Christmas. And not even one that's fiction. It's a non-fiction one called Guns, Germs, and Steel."
"Sounds cool."
"Yeah, I'm really excited to get it and start reading."
"Too bad about the 'adult' thing though."
"Oh, I'm sure I'll get over it."

And besides, it's not like the book that I want isn't about a very interesting topic, and the title is just awesome. My anthropology professor recommended it plenty of times during the quarter, and he's someone who's opinion I trust. I'm in the middle of Under the Dome by Stephen King right now, but I can't stop reading it for the life of me, so pretty soon I'll be able to start reading my new book. Well, make that books.

Cue picture.



















I was with my mom in Barnes & Noble and I showed her Guns, Germs, and Steel and told her I would really like a copy. Then I noticed another book by the same author. I picked it up and was immediately interested. Even she said it looked like it would be worth a look and likely a good read. So I was really happy to get a copy of Collapse today.

My Christmas wasn't all serious with the smart people books, as I got a toy R/C helicopter. It's taking a bit to really learn the controls, but I should have it down soon enough and be able to fully enjoy the toy I got for Christmas. I sincerely doubt it will be my last. Because come on, who doesn't want something fun for fun's sake for Christmas.

I'm not an adult quite yet you know :)

And if you noticed the previous title of this post as having a '(so far)' in it, and now having an (Amended) instead, the next photo will make that change clear:

I still had one more present to unwrap when I went over to my brother's house last night, and I got this! No, not the computer. That happened in this post. What I got is a very handy and useful laptop lapdesk!For me, it's always nice to get something practical for Christmas, because I can never bring myself to buy something I need. Buying something I don't need? Oh, no problem there. I got that covered.

All in all, I had a good Christmas this year.

Merry no longer Christmas!

Close calls in the workplace

I got a call around 3:30 today from my boss asking if I knew I was supposed to be at work. This surprised me, because I could have sworn that I didn't work until 5. Nope, today I was scheduled 2-8. So naturally I changed into my work clothes and headed out as quickly as the icy streets would allow me (it took 20 minutes instead of the usual 12), and got to work about two hours late.

That's not what this post is about though. After organizing all of the dishes, and washing some of the bigger ones, the drain was beginning to back up from all the food clutter and dirty water down there. Lovely image, I know. Well, when I turned on the garbage disposal there was a loud metallic SHINK, and like a bolt of silver quickness, a knife shot from the drain.

Only because of pure instinct was I able to keep track of the knife as it flew through the air, hit the ceiling outside of the dishpit and fell with a clang on the red tile floor. I couldn't help but yell out an expletive appropriate to what I'd just witnessed, which was closely followed by "That could have killed me."

Now I don't want any "Next time be sure"'s or "Don't forget"'s. This was a freak accident. And there have been plenty of times when I've checked to make sure there was no silverware down there, only to hear the familiar grind and clank when I turned it on.

I really wish everybody could have seen it though. It was incredible.

My hobby?

This

Something about that song...

Whenever I hear the Cheers theme song, I just feel... better. The only reason for this that I can think of is that my parents watched it and I just heard it all the time growing up. So I can only come to the conclusion that I was a happy child.

It makes staying up until two in the morning to watch episodes of Cheers worth it.

I don't know quite why I stopped churning out blog posts, but the school quarter ending likely had a lot to do with it. I have more ideas for blog posts, and some old ones that I just haven't been able to get onto the digital page.

Maybe Sunday when I'm not working at the Sunday brunch!

The McRib

Wow, it's been 10 days already? That went by really quick. This entry will be pretty quick too, but not lacking in the "Awww" factor.

The other day, I was really lazy and hungry so I decided to go to McDonalds to get something to eat. As I pulled up to the order board, I noticed the familiar red, form pressed slab of pork (that's doubtful, but I'm being generous here), that is the McRib. I was grossed out, but just before that, I got a smile on my face.

Whenever I think about that disgusting sandwich, I'm reminded of my Grandpa. How such a brilliant mind could be swayed by subpar barbecue sauce and what is essentially the equivalent of particle board in the meat world is beyond me, but he loved him some McRib.

I think it's nice of McDonalds to keep the sandwich around just to remind me of my Grandpa when I least expect it. So does unadhered to dress codes, but that's for another time.

Amen Rowlf... Amen

I'm having a heck of a time finding an mp3 of this song to put on my Zune. This song has always resonated with me, and it's doing so now more than ever. I love this song.

Randomness

Back when I worked for Amazon.com, I asked one of my buddies from my training class and group to give me a word, any word, and I'd make a story out of it. She e-mailed me back one word: Randomness. From that one word spawned my longest running and most often returned to story of one Arthur Barker dealing with a world filled with absolutely random events. We're talking crazy stuff here. Candy raining from the skies, lawns turned into large cities (scaled down of course), a lifeguard hovering over the Pacific ocean enforcing adult swim hours, and pretty much anything you can imagine.

There's a story proper of course, but to appease my friend Brandi I'll write little snippets that take place in the world of Randomness, but have no effect on the story as a whole. They're not canon I guess you can say. Anyway, there are some I'm quite proud of and I think Brandi's exclusivity deal has gone long enough, so I'm posting some of my favorites here.

Waking Up
Arthur turned over in his sleep, but happened to slip one eye part way open just in time to see his alarm clock (suddenly with legs) doing stretches. Both eyes popped open despite being halfway asleep.
"What are you doing?"
"It's 5AM, time for my morning run."
"Right. How silly of me... wait, I need to be up in two hours!"
"Can't say I'll be back by then, so sorry."

With that the alarm clock took off running, leaving Arthur behind in his bed.

"Little bastard's lucky my cell phone has an alarm." Arthur reached to where his cell phone was on the window sill, and saw it taking provocative pictures of itself. "Screw it, I'll get another job."

Much Too Loud
For Arthur, rubbing his temples had long been a necessity if he didn't want his head to explode. He had done it so long however, that now that he had a plain old headache, it just wasn't working. Even worse, his headache seemed to be directly tied to the volume... of everything.

Arthur never wanted to hear what it sounded like when a grasshopper was eating a smaller, less fortunate bug, but there it was (outside on his porch), snacking away. It didn't help that the smaller bug was still alive and screaming it's little insect scream that sounded as if a horrific murder was taking place in the next room.

"I will blow my brains out if this keeps going." The buggy scream got louder. "Finish getting eaten already!"
"Screw you, mammal! AAAAH-" The screaming ended abruptly.
"Thank God. Now where did that aspirin bottle go-"
"AHH! Now I'M getting eaten by a grasshopper!"
"Oh, come on!"

Arthur flung open his sliding glass door, located the piggish grasshopper and stomped on it as hard as he could. A choice he immediately regretted as the resounding STOMP sound practically bombed his eardrum out of existence. Literally. Thankfully, it immediately grew back, but it also kept ringing.

"Where the hell is the aspirin?"
"You killed me! You jerk!"
"AAAHH!!!" Arthur didn't care anymore, he stomped the grasshopper until it was only a greyish green spot on the concrete of his porch.

Note: The volume reset in his head when his seventh set of eardrums broke and the eighth set was normal.

Singularity
Arthur paused, his attention being dragged inexplicably to the right where he saw a small tear in the air. He walked around it once, seeing no change in its shape whatsoever. He reached out his index finger gingerly, as if he was five again and suddenly found a scab to pick at.

“Don’t pick at that!” A shrieking voice howled. Unfortunately, the voice made Arthur jump and poke his finger through the tear.
“Hmm, it feels a bit… Velcro-y… AAH!” The tear gripped onto his finger and pulled it in up to the second knuckle.
“I told you not to-“
“I wasn’t gonna pick at it!”
“Well don’t poke at it either.”
“Does it look like that matters now!?”
“Well I don’t know. I’m just here to tell people not to touch it.”
“Well, what is it?”
“That’s a very good question. Ooh!” The tear sucked Arthur’s finger all the way in, leaving him in a very awkward position. “Well, I’m going to go now. Good luck.”
“Wait! Hello?” Arthur looked around in futility as his finger started to go numb. “I hate disembodied voices.”

Now, when I eventually become a famous and successful writer, you can thank Brandi for giving me one of my cornerstone titles :)